Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
