I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
