Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
