When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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