ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
