just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
