were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
