Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
