i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
