I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
