I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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