i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
