So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
