so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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