Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So apparently I’m into choking now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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