Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
