the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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