sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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