My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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