I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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