u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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