I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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