she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
