I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
