so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
