But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
