If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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