Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
