FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
