your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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