I wanna bring you to show and tell
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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