Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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