We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
