I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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