He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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