He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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