Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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