sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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