we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
