He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
did i walk over a car last night?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
