I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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