I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
