Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
