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Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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