i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
