they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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