i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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