his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
