Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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