I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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