i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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