Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
